He's home with me now and has improved quite a bit. He is still very wobbly on his legs and easily falls over, but it's hopeful that he has use of his legs at all. The vet gave him a steroid shot and it is working to decrease swelling around his spine. He's not eating much or drinking water, I don't think he feels very well. I'm keeping him in my room so he will rest and not try to over exert himself.
It's still scary and very sad. He's usually very playful and he seems depressed right now:(
Monday, November 17, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Heartbroken. My beloved companion, sweet dog Bernie is in trouble
I just got home from being at the vet for 7 hours.
I love my Bernie so much. I rescued him 8 years ago and he's been my buddy, my devoted, loving companion....at times it's been just us, me and my dog. He's helped me through some really rough times. I've never been so attached to an animal.
Today we went to the dog park, he hadn't been for months and I knew he needed to run around and play. He had a great time until he was attacked by a larger dog. He seemed ok at first, there was no broken skin and he was running around normally. We only stayed a couple minutes after that happened. When we got in the car (I was with my friend as well) I noticed he was panting and shifting around uncomfortably. I though he was probably just scared and thirsty so i gave him some water and comforted him a bit. He also seemed really tired, but I thought that was normal after running around the dog park. We stopped and got some food, Bernie in the car with water, in the shade and windows rolled down. I was starting to feel uneasy, like there was something wrong with him. We had planned to drop him off at home and go grocery shopping. When we got to my place and he jumped out of the car he fell, his legs gave out. I freaked out of course, brought him inside and got him to walk around a bit. He kept falling forward. First his left front leg was giving out, then both front legs, then all of his legs and he couldn't walk at all. I felt him all over checking for pain and he didn't cry, didn't feel any pain. I'd been squeezing his squeeky toy to get him to walk and he was trying, he wanted to play, but he just fell over. Oh gawd it was so heartbreaking.I found an emergency vet, called and took him in.
I learned that Bernie has a heart murmer that must be fairly new because no other vet has noticed it. The Vet also believes that Bernies problems could be from a spinal injury. So, he's in trouble and I'm completely devastated, can't stop crying. I had to leave him there tonight for observation and some procedures. They are giving him shots to reduce any possible swelling around his spinal cord which may be causing the problem. He hasn't had any major neurological tests yet, they will run up to a few thousand if he needs them. I feel so awful, so worried for him, he's so scared and I hated leaving him over night. I don't know what I'll do without him if he doesn't get through this.
I have no money so had to call my mom who has no money to ask her to help me with her credit card. Thankfully she understands what it's like to love a pet and she's putting it on her card. I'm not sure that she could cover the huge costs of neurological tests though. I'm just so heartbroken and hoping for the best, that he will be improving by the morning.
I love my Bernie so much. I rescued him 8 years ago and he's been my buddy, my devoted, loving companion....at times it's been just us, me and my dog. He's helped me through some really rough times. I've never been so attached to an animal.
Today we went to the dog park, he hadn't been for months and I knew he needed to run around and play. He had a great time until he was attacked by a larger dog. He seemed ok at first, there was no broken skin and he was running around normally. We only stayed a couple minutes after that happened. When we got in the car (I was with my friend as well) I noticed he was panting and shifting around uncomfortably. I though he was probably just scared and thirsty so i gave him some water and comforted him a bit. He also seemed really tired, but I thought that was normal after running around the dog park. We stopped and got some food, Bernie in the car with water, in the shade and windows rolled down. I was starting to feel uneasy, like there was something wrong with him. We had planned to drop him off at home and go grocery shopping. When we got to my place and he jumped out of the car he fell, his legs gave out. I freaked out of course, brought him inside and got him to walk around a bit. He kept falling forward. First his left front leg was giving out, then both front legs, then all of his legs and he couldn't walk at all. I felt him all over checking for pain and he didn't cry, didn't feel any pain. I'd been squeezing his squeeky toy to get him to walk and he was trying, he wanted to play, but he just fell over. Oh gawd it was so heartbreaking.I found an emergency vet, called and took him in.
I learned that Bernie has a heart murmer that must be fairly new because no other vet has noticed it. The Vet also believes that Bernies problems could be from a spinal injury. So, he's in trouble and I'm completely devastated, can't stop crying. I had to leave him there tonight for observation and some procedures. They are giving him shots to reduce any possible swelling around his spinal cord which may be causing the problem. He hasn't had any major neurological tests yet, they will run up to a few thousand if he needs them. I feel so awful, so worried for him, he's so scared and I hated leaving him over night. I don't know what I'll do without him if he doesn't get through this.
I have no money so had to call my mom who has no money to ask her to help me with her credit card. Thankfully she understands what it's like to love a pet and she's putting it on her card. I'm not sure that she could cover the huge costs of neurological tests though. I'm just so heartbroken and hoping for the best, that he will be improving by the morning.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
tea towel
This is what I made as a gift for my friends birthday. I will also make some banana bread because she loves it.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
The Countdown
I'm 38 weeks tomorrow! I've recovered from my meltdown about finances and social services. At least for now I feel stronger and like I can handle it. After talking to some friends I feel it's the right choice to get my Cosmetology license. Yes, I would love to go for my master's instead, but I'm trying to be practical. I could teach with my master's, but I have no teaching experience. I've been doing makeup and some hair styling for a long time, I figure I should build on what I know and where my confidence and experience is.
At this moment I'm in my usual nightly spot. Pajamas on, sitting on my bed with my laptop. Tonight my dog is farting in his sleep! Pretty powerful. I'm over tired and haven't had a solid night sleep for weeks.
I made my ex and good friend a birthday present today. If I remember I'll post a pic here. She's coming to town for her birthday, but I won't get to see her on her b-day. It hurts my feelings, she's going to dinner with other friends, who she met when we were together. I'm guessing her girlfriend may be there and she would be uncomfortable. I could ask I guess.
I'm still pretty miserable physically. It's so uncomfortable to do anything! Today I dropped some change on the floor at a store and said "oh no!" because I knew it would be impossible for me to pick it up. It was so sweet though, the cashier picked it up for me. My contractions are getting more intense and I thought I was in labor on Sunday night. They came every 3-7 minutes for about an hour. I was going to call my support people, but they slowed down to every 1/2 hour to hour all night. The next day I only had a few. They are painful and it hurts to walk, stand up, ride in a car or anything that moves. My hips and back hurt. I'm complaining, but also just stating the facts so I can remember what ir was like at this point later on.
I'm so, so, so ready for this baby to come
At this moment I'm in my usual nightly spot. Pajamas on, sitting on my bed with my laptop. Tonight my dog is farting in his sleep! Pretty powerful. I'm over tired and haven't had a solid night sleep for weeks.
I made my ex and good friend a birthday present today. If I remember I'll post a pic here. She's coming to town for her birthday, but I won't get to see her on her b-day. It hurts my feelings, she's going to dinner with other friends, who she met when we were together. I'm guessing her girlfriend may be there and she would be uncomfortable. I could ask I guess.
I'm still pretty miserable physically. It's so uncomfortable to do anything! Today I dropped some change on the floor at a store and said "oh no!" because I knew it would be impossible for me to pick it up. It was so sweet though, the cashier picked it up for me. My contractions are getting more intense and I thought I was in labor on Sunday night. They came every 3-7 minutes for about an hour. I was going to call my support people, but they slowed down to every 1/2 hour to hour all night. The next day I only had a few. They are painful and it hurts to walk, stand up, ride in a car or anything that moves. My hips and back hurt. I'm complaining, but also just stating the facts so I can remember what ir was like at this point later on.
I'm so, so, so ready for this baby to come
Thursday, November 6, 2008
stay in the system for more education or get out asap?
I'm now 37 weeks pregnant and completely exhausted. I've been running around (waddling, walking slowly) trying to get school and childcare in place for a Jan. 14 start date. A couple of weeks ago I made the decision to get my Cosmetology license so that I don't have to rely solely on sporadic, unpredictable freelance Makeup jobs. I figure now that I'll be the sole supporter of a child I'd better be able to get a steady job. I'll have the option of working in a salon with my license. It's no easy task getting around these days, especially on public transport, but I'm doing it.
I'm on CalWorks, which is welfare. I learned that they will help with childcare, transport and school supplies so I'm jumping through the hoops to get all of this in place. Yes, it's great that at least this exists in this country, but it is not made easy. It's also humiliating, not empowering. Yesterday I went to a meeting with the Calworks rep at the school I will be attending and learned, among other gems, that I will be required to complete a monthly progress report to be signed by the instructor. Yeah just like grade school. I'm a fucking adult and am making the choice to go back to school. I also learned that if my baby is sick and I have to stay home with her for more than a few days/semester I may be kicked out of the program. Oh and childcare is only covered starting an hour before class starts (8am) and to an hour after class ends. I don't have a car so getting to childcare, then to class could easily take more than an hour and I just don't have the cash to pay for extra childcare hours. I left feeling pretty overwhelmed and down. Today was no better. I went to a mandatory "welfare to Work" orientation. The class was given one of those horrible bubble tests and then we met with a counselor individually. The woman I was stuck with was short tempered and nasty, rushing me through paperwork, telling me to read and then rushing me to sign like 30 seconds later. I now have to make an appointment for another orientation for childcare. This means that I have to go to another social services office. Seriously, it's hell just walking a block these days.
The "system" does not work to make people feel like they can do it. It's complex and the more you try to help yourself to get out the deeper you get into it. It's very easy to fall through the cracks, to miss a piece of paperwork or misunderstand something which could end your benefits without warning. I left the orientation today feeling extremely overwhelmed and like I just want out. I'm now questioning whether I should get my license or just look for a random job once my baby can be in childcare. My skills are very specific. If I want consistent employment I'm really only qualified for some kind of retail/service job. My office skills are so so, I can do reception basically. Is it worth it to keep myself on welfare for two years to get my license? Can I do it? I feel like shit having to rely on this help. The cash aid isn't even enough to pay my full rent per month. School is 32 hours/week and I'll have to work pt to pay for my bills.
Had a sobbing session starting about a block from my house. This is not where I want to be, not who I saw myself as at this age. Yes there are different levels of poverty, but I do feel poor. All of this social services crap makes me feel even more poor and honestly kind of worthless...especially since I have a degree and I've been working so incredibly hard to build my career and get out of poverty for so many years. It's all I do! I've been doing something wrong. I know this is self pitying. I'm just very frustrated, overwhelmed and upset.
I'm on CalWorks, which is welfare. I learned that they will help with childcare, transport and school supplies so I'm jumping through the hoops to get all of this in place. Yes, it's great that at least this exists in this country, but it is not made easy. It's also humiliating, not empowering. Yesterday I went to a meeting with the Calworks rep at the school I will be attending and learned, among other gems, that I will be required to complete a monthly progress report to be signed by the instructor. Yeah just like grade school. I'm a fucking adult and am making the choice to go back to school. I also learned that if my baby is sick and I have to stay home with her for more than a few days/semester I may be kicked out of the program. Oh and childcare is only covered starting an hour before class starts (8am) and to an hour after class ends. I don't have a car so getting to childcare, then to class could easily take more than an hour and I just don't have the cash to pay for extra childcare hours. I left feeling pretty overwhelmed and down. Today was no better. I went to a mandatory "welfare to Work" orientation. The class was given one of those horrible bubble tests and then we met with a counselor individually. The woman I was stuck with was short tempered and nasty, rushing me through paperwork, telling me to read and then rushing me to sign like 30 seconds later. I now have to make an appointment for another orientation for childcare. This means that I have to go to another social services office. Seriously, it's hell just walking a block these days.
The "system" does not work to make people feel like they can do it. It's complex and the more you try to help yourself to get out the deeper you get into it. It's very easy to fall through the cracks, to miss a piece of paperwork or misunderstand something which could end your benefits without warning. I left the orientation today feeling extremely overwhelmed and like I just want out. I'm now questioning whether I should get my license or just look for a random job once my baby can be in childcare. My skills are very specific. If I want consistent employment I'm really only qualified for some kind of retail/service job. My office skills are so so, I can do reception basically. Is it worth it to keep myself on welfare for two years to get my license? Can I do it? I feel like shit having to rely on this help. The cash aid isn't even enough to pay my full rent per month. School is 32 hours/week and I'll have to work pt to pay for my bills.
Had a sobbing session starting about a block from my house. This is not where I want to be, not who I saw myself as at this age. Yes there are different levels of poverty, but I do feel poor. All of this social services crap makes me feel even more poor and honestly kind of worthless...especially since I have a degree and I've been working so incredibly hard to build my career and get out of poverty for so many years. It's all I do! I've been doing something wrong. I know this is self pitying. I'm just very frustrated, overwhelmed and upset.
Obama!
Election night was amazing! I started watching cnn online at 4pm until I went to a viewing party around 7pm. My friend and her teenage daughter picked me up and we watched the results come in with a room packed full of Obama supporters. The party was organized by a theater troupe at their theater. What a great crowd. One minute I was getting nervous because McCain was gaining (a little) and the next Obama was President Elect!
This was a history making night. I've never experienced anything like it. We cheered in the theater but when we stepped outside we were greeted by pure joy, euphoria. The mood in Berkley was incredible! EVERYBODY was happy! Honking horns cheering, waving. There was so much releif and hope in the air. We drove around for a while joining in the celebrations then parked and walked a little. My adrenaline was keeping me going.
I'm thrilled that although this country is a mess right now, there is finally some hope.
This was a history making night. I've never experienced anything like it. We cheered in the theater but when we stepped outside we were greeted by pure joy, euphoria. The mood in Berkley was incredible! EVERYBODY was happy! Honking horns cheering, waving. There was so much releif and hope in the air. We drove around for a while joining in the celebrations then parked and walked a little. My adrenaline was keeping me going.
I'm thrilled that although this country is a mess right now, there is finally some hope.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Voting was easy
I just got home from voting. My polling place is 2 blocks from my house, so the walk was bearable. At least the way there, I had some more intense contractions on the return. Anyway, The line wasn't very long so I didn't ask to go first, but nobody offered which kind of surprised me. I'd been hearing that people let pregnant woman go first. Oh well. It took a total of 20 minutes.
The polling place was at a middle school and the kids were chanting vote for Obama! It was pretty cute. I feel very nervous, excited and want to be around other Obama supporters. I don't want to go anywhere alone however. I'm hoping to hear back from friends about joining me somewhere.
Happy voting! Let's hope for a happy ending.
The polling place was at a middle school and the kids were chanting vote for Obama! It was pretty cute. I feel very nervous, excited and want to be around other Obama supporters. I don't want to go anywhere alone however. I'm hoping to hear back from friends about joining me somewhere.
Happy voting! Let's hope for a happy ending.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
