looking up

So things are starting to look a bit more positive overall and it feels good. My support person and I had a talk over the weekend and worked through the issues. There are still differences in beliefs about what friendship is, but it's ok. I feel much better, and that she will be here for me. I also asked another friend to be a backup just in case and have been trying to find a "Doula in training", I've contacted about 10 via e-mail and so far no luck. They need to attend births as the final part of their training so the cost is low or free.

I've also started researching childcare and looked at an amazing place today that's right across the street from my house!. I love it and put Verity on a waitlist. They take babies starting at 4 mo. I'll need childcare before then so am looking at some other places to fill in until there's an opening at this place.

Yesterday morning I woke up thinking that I should look into getting my Cosmetology license. The local community college has a program and because I am so poor I'll get my books, supplies, childcare and transportation covered. I was afraid that I wouldn't get any financial aid because my student loans (from my BFA) are in default, yeah surprising I can't pay the $650/mo they want and they won't work out any kind of payment plan. Anyway, again because I'm poor and soon to be a mom the tuition will be waived! I chose to get my license so that I'll be able to work in salons. I've been doing freelance makeup for 10 years for film, tv, etc, but I can't rely on the instability of freelance only now that I have to take care of someone else. My little family...myself, my dog and my baby :-). I'm a little bit insecure about going through this program at my age, but then I think of a makeup artist I know who did the same thing and she was older than me, 42. She's now 45 and has a great job. She still does some freelance when she can.

I've also started therapy which I think will be helpful, it has been in the past.

Something has switched inside of me and even though I'm pretty stressed and depressed I'm feeling a bit more hopeful.