there are things that i'm always wanting to improve on...let's see...for 2009:

1) return my body to a close resemblance of my pre-pregnant self. this means going back to my healthy eating habits and exercising regularly. i usually walk alot and do yoga.

2) continue to get to know my baby girl and enjoy her babyhood.

3) keep current with makeup-what's happening in films, new products, techniques....i have to at least do this if i want to continue my career again at some point.

4)start the process of getting my cosmetology license to promote more regular, steady work

5) start the process of getting out of this feeling of poverty.
-things that make me feel poor are:
--being on calworks and not having enough money to cover everything every month
--not having a car
--not being able to afford to live in a more suitible living situation-more suited to my lifestyle, an environment that is creative, peaceful, light

6) decide where (what city, state} i want to live and raise my kid after clear thought, research and soul searching. i don't want to do what my mom did and move my daughter around excessively.

7) try to somehow feel like myself again. i've felt far from myself and kind of lost for the past 3ish years

8) maaaybe meet someone who i can have mutual respect, love and support with. and who of course likes kids and is good with mine.

i'm sure there are more, smaller things to work on, but this is enough for now.

being a mommy is having no time, rocking the stroller with my foot so she is calm and i can be on the computer, severe sleep deprivation, learning, sacrifices, getting to know her and myself as a mama, making choices/ decisions with her as the driving force, accepting that my body is not what is was and it will take time to get it back, becoming a complete adult, pediatrician appointments, vaccinations, car seats, breast pumps, sore boobies, unfolded laundry, quick meals, delayed phone calls, no time, no time, no time, knowing that she will teach me and i her, constant awareness of her health and safety, thoughts"can i do this" knowing that i can and am, so much love....and so much more