Max and I were brought into a curtained off cubicle area in triage. The nurse checked my vitals and tested the fluid with the same strips of paper. I was hooked up to a fetal monitor and Verity’s heart rate was excellent. It was definite and I only had to wait for a room before being admitted to the hospital. At this point I was told that I could only have liquids until I gave birth. The birthing center was at full capacity so I wasn’t admitted until 4am. At this point I wasn’t having any contractions, they said I had up to 18 hours to wait for active labor to start naturally before they would have to induce. I was positive it would happen before then, I’d been having some pretty intense ( or so I thought) contractions in the days before. I later learned that the midwives had been keeping the Dr’s out so that I could have the full 18 hours. I had tested positive for strep b so was hooked up to a penicillin drip every few hours which burned like fire until they added a fluid drip to help dilute it. There is a risk of infection when the water breaks early so every hour or so my temp and heart rate were taken. I waited until 5:30 am to call my mom so she wouldn’t drive 4 hours in the dark. I woke her and half asleep she said “Ok well, I’m going to work this afternoon” Um, it’s happening Mom, I’m in the hospital. Thankfully she finally got it and showed up at around 2pm. I started to have light, infrequent contractions and after 13 hours I wasn’t progressing like we’d all hoped. I still wanted to wait the full 18 to hopefully avoid the pitocin. My contractions started to get a bit more intense and painful, some in my back some in front. I hadn’t been checked for dilation yet because of the risk of infection, but after about 15 hours I asked them to. I was not dilated at all. It was then that I was given the 3 options to help ripen my cervix 1) a bulbous contraption inserted; 2) a smaller device that hooks onto the outside of the cervix and releases meds slowly 3) I don’t remember. I think these were to be used before resorting to pitocin. I had them give me some time to think it over. At this point I became very sad that things were turning out this way that it was looking like there had to be some intervention. I was resistant to it until one of the midwives explained to me that sometimes we have to give up control when things become out of our control. I called my Doula who came shortly after and told me that it is still my birth, my experience and no matter what happened it was all done to bring the baby safely into the world. She was amazing, more about her later. I chose the small device. As I was laying in bed hooked up to IV’s on the verge of tears I had a strong contraction which brought the nurse and midwife running into the room. “Lay on your side!”, I didn’t respond immediately out of exhaustion “Lay on your side!” and they helped me. Verity’s heart rate had dropped from 140 to 88. I was then told that because there was no or little water left the cord was being compressed causing her heart rate to drop. At that point I gave up all reservations about intervention and accepted the situation as it was. Whatever you have to do to save her. They started the pitocin. It only took several minutes for the intense, excruciating contractions to begin. My birth team was wonderful and this was the very positive part of the process. The Doula is new, in training but naturally gifted. She is a massage therapist as well so knew the pressure points to help lessen the pain. She was warm, gently in control and guided the rest of the team in how to help me. I had people all around me massaging, pressing points, reminding me to breathe, telling me how well I was doing. The pitocin machine was increasing it’s dosage automatically and every time I heard the machine click I knew the pain would be closer to unbearable. I’d slipped into a sleep deprived, over exhausted, pain induced trance-like state. I couldn’t talk, or respond other than to suggestions about my breathing. I was mostly quiet with my eyes closed. About 6 hours before I gave birth Allegra, my main support person showed up. I’d texted her to tell her I was in the hospital. She was very upset that she wasn’t there and made the decision to leave her work conference early. She easily joined into the rhythm of the rest of the team, which allowed a couple of people to take short breaks. The pain had become unbearable and I felt like I was dying. I was having back and front labor- like 100 knives simultaneously in my back and front and then re-inserted into open wounds. At this point I asked for the epidural. I was then checked for dilation, I was only at 1cm and had to be at 4 before they would do that. I was given another pain medication to “help me get through until I could get the epidural” It did nothing. I was no longer quiet, but moaning. About 3 hours later I started shaking and begging for the epidural, I was checked an hour later and was at 7cm . Yep from 1cm to 7cm in 4 hours! The epidural was ordered. My contractions had gotten so horrible that I was screaming and feeling like I had to push. Finally the epidural came. The Dr tried to tell me about the risks and procedure, but I already knew and said “just do it!”. The room was cleared except for Allegra, the anesthesiologist and a nurse. I sat up on the bed leaning forward on Allegra while it was inserted into my spine. I don’t remember feeling anything. I had two more horrible contractions after that and then peace. Thank you. I was able to lay quietly on the bed for a while pain free. I even dozed off for a few minutes. It was out of this restful period that I was once again shocked into reality. I opened my eyes and the room was swarming with people I said “ Why are there so many people in here!”. A Dr, midwives and nurses were discussing what to do to best get the baby out. Someone said “we need to figure out quickly how to get the baby out safely”. An oxygen mask was put on my face. Every time I had a contraction her heart rate went down. My mom said at that point I had a look of terror on my face. It hit me that my baby could die. They had me lay on my side to push each time I had a contraction. My contractions were spaced pretty far apart for that point of labor. I was pushing pretty well, but she wasn’t coming out. There was no time so they had to use the vacuum. She came out healthy with a slightly bruised head and was placed on my belly, then chest. I had some pretty severe tearing near my urethra so I had to be stitched up and the baby taken. I couldn’t breast feed right away like I’d hoped.
Two hours later we were moved to a shared recovery room, separated by a curtain. I was lucky enough to get the window side which was a full wall with a view of the roof garden. The nurses were wonderful. All of them were very knowledgeable. I was having some trouble with breastfeeding, she wasn’t latching, and they helped me figure it out. I was in recovery for two nights and felt very well taken care of. I even had the full room to myself for one night. A new roommate moved in the last night and brought tons of people with her. They were loud and there until 11pm, then back at 8am the next morning. At this point I couldn’t wait to get home. My mom had stayed in the hospital with me and has continued to be wonderful support.
I'm now recovering at home physically and emotionally. I'm terrified, in love, joyful, overwhelmed, exhausted, worried, hopeful and most of all learning how to be a mama.
