i am. i'm jealous and envious of certain people. in particular people with babies who seem to have it so much easier than i do. i've been meeting other parents, seeing and hearing about their lives and it's driving me nuts. for example my ex J. from 15 or so years ago has a baby girl 1 month older than v. i spoke to him yesterday and he was all sparkles about being a parent. he has a wife of ten years who is THE lawyer for a MAJOR tv show. he has a show coming up in a gallery in chelsea, he's a painter. he called me from his studio in brooklyn. they have a nanny. they are rich. they can come and go as they please. they have the luxury of just enjoying their child. they have it easy. how can i have a conversation about my life with someone like this? "oh, me? i'm on welfare, live in a dingy, dark apartment with a wierdo housemate. oh, work? um well i may have to give up my career that i love because it's not consistent. doing? been doing nothin. staying home with baby and i'm lucky if i get 15 minutes to do laundry and dishes( i do love spending time with her though). what next? dunno what kind of job i'll get"
other families i've met- a lesbian couple who own their house, have a separate room for baby and are sooo in love. another couple, both with good jobs and paid time off. another lesbian couple about to have a baby, own their house which has a rental cabin in the lush garden backyard. one works in film freelance and can continue because they have two incomes. i could rent thier cabin if i could pay $1000./mo. yep, i would love to.
when will things come together for me? frustrated.
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