i'm finding myself sometimes dwelling in terror on the birth process. i have this creeping fear that i or the baby will die. i know, it's not so common anymore to die in childbirth, but it did happen often not too long ago.
maybe it's because i've been reading a blog by a guy who's wife died in the hospital after giving birth. this happened 5 months ago and he is a single dad to his infant daughter. also, about a year ago a friend's baby died during birth.
who would raise my baby if i died? my mother is the first thought, but she is in her 60's. if she couldn't then my aunt susan, if not her then my dear friend who has been considering fostering kids when her youngest leaves home in a few years.
i've read that it is normal to be scared of giving birth, most women are, especially the first time. it feels like it's just around the corner, close enough to reach out and tap my back.
i'm ready to have my body back and to meet my daughter, but so scared.
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