i went to the community law center about two weeks ago, they are not open very often, but i got lucky and they were not busy. i learned from them that there is nothing i can do legally at this time to keep him away from the child. when the baby is born he will have equal rights as a parent. i had been saving texts from him to use in court if something does come up, but my phone was stolen and i lost it all. if he starts up again and i keep a record i will probably be able to get a restraining order. if he decides that he want's to be in the childs life he will have to pursue visitation and some form of custody. at that point i can try for full custody.
i'm kind of conflicted. i know how difficult it can be to have an absent parent, i so badly wanted my father to be a part of my life. i know that creepy cannot be a positive part of my daughters life unless he gets help with his alcohol and mental health issues AND changes his drug related "career path". i get angry with myself for ever being with him in any way. i knew from the start that he was bad and completely wrong for me. i knew that i didn't like him very much, but he cooked me good meals, was physically beautiful and we had good sex. i was lonely, a city lady living in the mountains, and i needed companionship for a short time. we talked about the anger issue in the sps group tonight....i feel it towards myself for getting into this situation and towards him for being so much of a mess that he cannot be in his daughter's life. oh, he has two other daughters from different women. one mother is hiding herself and daughter from him in marin somewhere and the other took him to court to get the teenage daughter out of his house because of the same "career" related issues i've mentioned. ok. i'm doing the right thing, i have to keep reviewing the reasons why i am keeping my daughter from her father. i have huge guilt about it, because i wish so badly that she could have a second parent.
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